After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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