I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's always time for handjobs
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize