So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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