He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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