ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
