Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
