When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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