Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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