im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize