I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
