pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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