She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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