I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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