she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
