If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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