soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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