dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
