if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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