she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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