she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
