Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the condom got lost in my hair
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How naked do you want me to be?
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