I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
