she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
