How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
