You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
