just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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