he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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