Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize