I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
