we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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