My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
