I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
