Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
