is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
