I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
