he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
