wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
