Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
