Your mouth is God's brothel.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
