I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
