I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
