remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
