he wants to bone in the snuggie
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
