dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
