I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ladies don't puke and tell
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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