i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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