i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
