I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
