I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
