I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
