Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
