White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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