i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
