Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
