Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
