i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
