yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
