For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
the liver wants what the liver wants
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
