i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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