this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You ate ashes out of my bong
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
