i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
