you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
