I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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