oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
